If you are looking for Glamour, Gadgets and Grissom you won't find them here. Forget what you think you know about 'Forensics', these are the tales of one man and his brush. Of course these views do not represent the views of any Police Force or indeed reflect any Force Policies ya da ya.
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Call of the Mild
Now it's not nice being woken up in the middle of the night and getting re-called to work after you have already put in a late-shift, but if you have a decent scene to get you teeth stuck into and you know that your contribution will count in the whole scheme of things, then an interruption into your sleep pattern is a small price to pay. Plus you get paid overtime from the time you were woken up to the time you get back to bed.
However, we do get turned out to some shite jobs, that either didn't really require us or could have waited until the morning. Unfortunately when awoken out of a deep slumber you loose the ability to ask relevant and probing questions in order to determine whether it's worth leaving your pit for. Most of the time it's the Controller who phones you and they usually have no idea why you are required other than the Inspector has asked for you, so there must be a genuine reason. And then by the time you get out of bed and arrive at the scene, things have calmed down a bit and that messy scene covered in blood is actually a few spots on the doorstep of a pub exaggerated by whichever Officer first attended after getting caught up in the moment.
Controller - 'Hello its the Control Room here we need to turn you out'
ME - 'Urrgghh mmm urrr ......Mom? .......Err yes, Umm what for'
Controller - 'We've had an Arson and need you at the scene.'
ME - 'Err umm OK I'll be there as soon as I can.'
So I jump on my trusty steed and head off into the night! Arrive at the station like a bloodthirsty vampire only it's Coffee I crave, and guess what, I have to make my own!
Insp 'Ahh thanks for turning out, the scene's been closed since we last called you, but the officer has retrieved some evidence for you.'
ME 'Uhh Whaa Buhh.......'
Insp 'It's in the front office, gotta go very important see, toodles'
Constable in Front Office - 'Sorry mate, the Insp insisted you come to the scene before he even got there, turns out the petrol bomb didn't smash and the intended victim stamped on the wick and put it out. Now, have you got any Nylon bags?, and how to do you package these things?.....'
ME (dying a little inside) - 'Oh give it here, I'll do it for you, I'm out now, may as well earn my overtime..............mumblegrumblemuttter......'