If you are looking for Glamour, Gadgets and Grissom you won't find them here. Forget what you think you know about 'Forensics', these are the tales of one man and his brush. Of course these views do not represent the views of any Police Force or indeed reflect any Force Policies ya da ya.

Friday, 28 September 2007

Return of the Mac

Yes, I'm back! Am I glad ? not at all! On my many travels in the last few weeks, I had the pleasure of visiting some of the eastern states of America, including New York and Manhatten Island. There is something just so Cool, Cosmopolitian and Crazy about New York City that makes me want to go back there to live and to work. And of course they have huge budgets and cool vehicles and gadjets in the US. I have heard rumours that the NYPD are considering the complete civillianisation of their CSIs in 2008 and I am seriously tempted to apply and do a PC Copperfield.

I'm sure there will be a lot of competition for these posts, which may be a good thing as I couldn't get a decent cup of tea over in the US for love nor money, its a good job I took my own contraband with me.

This is Boston CSI Van, what do I get a an unliveried Peugeot Partner. Gah! the UK has no style! I bet even expensive shades and sharp suits come as standard issue.

Monday, 10 September 2007


Mr Monroe doesn't speak much, it hurts to do so. Mr Monroe is in his late 70s and has terminal Lung Cancer, he trys not to talk too much, it leaves him breathless and in need of a sit down.

Only when I arrive on his doorstep I can't shut him up, neither can his visibly worried wife of 50 years. Mr Munroe is explaining that some men have visited and taken £300 of cash from his house, pretending to be from the water board, and he wants to, no, he needs to tell me what happened as well as walk around the house to show me all the areas these lowlifes have been. Only when he has finished does he sit down and catch his breath.

He he angry?, not really, in fact he is very happy that I have taken the trouble to come see him and he is eager to tell me all that happened. You see Mr Munroe feels it is his fault that he as allowed himself to be conned, he has read all about these incidents in the papers and seen the warning on the telly, yet he feels partially to blame for allowing 3 grown men access to his house to distract and confuse him.

I hate these kind of jobs they piss me off more than anything else I have to deal with.

This is my last post for a few weeks, I'm going away and not a minute too soon.

Monday, 3 September 2007

Morning After # 2

There is a half decent reason why I have been making fewer updates to my blog recently and that is due to an unprecedented explosion in my social calender. I have never been so popular, and it hasn't finished yet, this evening is one of the only few empty dates I have in my diary.

Anyway some of you may feel that turning up for work hungover may be unprofessional, especially in my line of work. It can certainly impair judgement, sharpness and even effort in carrying out my duties. It can increase the levels of sickness within a small office causing undue pressure on my colleagues. Basically it's quite understandable that members of the general public will feel aggrieved that this sort of behaviour occurs and that they are not getting the quality of service they desevre.

Fear not!, being hungover and being able to perform my duties competently whilst terribly unwell and hungover is all part of our intensive 9 week residential course at a dedicated Centre of Excellence in Durham. Drinking lots and being hungover the next day whilst attending lectures and mock scenes is just part on the on-going enduring struggle that myself and my colleagues of the future engage in at these top schools of excellence. That is why we are always prepared to react positively when a crime occurs. You don't have to thank me, I do it because I love you all!