If you are looking for Glamour, Gadgets and Grissom you won't find them here. Forget what you think you know about 'Forensics', these are the tales of one man and his brush. Of course these views do not represent the views of any Police Force or indeed reflect any Force Policies ya da ya.

Wednesday, 23 May 2007


Whenever a Business Premises is attacked there is always a risk of unwanted attention from the company's owner, MD or General manager. They will try to follow you around and order you about like one of their own minions and effectively tell you how to do your job.

There are ways of dealing with this though, you can be firm and stand your ground and hopefully gain some respect, just powder everything in sight that the boss thinks has been touched or attempt to make them look stupid in front of their staff by blinding them with the science of fingerprints, DNA etc hoping they'll take the hint or accept that you know what you are doing.

A colleague of mine found a way of silencing 'The Boss' purely by accident at a job he attended (years and years ago). The MDs office had been screwed, computers, petty cash, fax machines all taken. Along with these items a silver Tea - Pot was taken from on top of the large glass meeting table. By the time the SOCO (as was) had got to this part of the exam he was sick of powdering everthing in sight. The conversation went something like this.

MD 'Maybe you should have a look at the table where the Teapot was'

SOCO 'Oh I doubt they would have had to touch the table to pick something off it' (It was a huge table.)

MD 'Please could you check'

SOCO 'There really is no point, and you would have a job cleaning it after'

MD 'I want you to try it, examine the table!'

The remainder of the conversation carried on like this and by this time there were other senior members of staff and his secretary in the room. So begrudgingly our SOCO starts powdering the table, the marks he developed on the table confused him at first until he saw the red faces of the MD and his Secretary and the smirks on the faces of their colleagues. What he actually developed was a clear arse-print and accompanying legs (female) and what can only be described as a blur of movement between them. 'A bit of hot soapy water will wash away the powder, err I have other jobs to attend........'


Mr Mans Wife said...

Nothing escapes the prying eye
Of the SOCO or CSI!

(I just made that up :) I'm a poet and I... yeah, you're right, that's so old)

Jamie said...

Hahaha! Brilliant.

Sean said...

My favourite tactic (if I'm in a mean mood) is to ask troublesome victims to pick up another object from the table they want examining, and then ask them "Which part of the table did you touch?". Never fails...