If you are looking for Glamour, Gadgets and Grissom you won't find them here. Forget what you think you know about 'Forensics', these are the tales of one man and his brush. Of course these views do not represent the views of any Police Force or indeed reflect any Force Policies ya da ya.
Thursday, 13 March 2008
Those American CSI programmes are great at moving the passage of time via the televisual wonders of the Musical Monatage - lots of stern looking pretty people heating and agitating test tubes, powdering items on large lightboxes and spraying things blue all to a sound track of old Who tracks mixed in with some modern classics. Basically glossing over all the boring stuff so they can get on with their dramatic one-liners "We'll let the science decide!" and their flicking of hair and creating sexual tension between colleagues etc etc.
So the other day I was sat in the office, taking an age to get my paperwork done and I thought to myself I could do with a montage here! So on goes the Ipod with The Who belting out 'Won't Get Fooled Again' and the work gets done a little bit quicker. However the montages in CSI show them processing evidence, looking under microscopes, ludicrously enhancing poor quality photos and general Laboratory work. Thing is we don't actually do any of that stuff in the real world, it gets passed on to other departments to deal with. We have an appreciation of each discipline but we can't multi-task like those off of the telly!
We just attend the scenes, collect the evidence bag it, tag it then pass it on. So all we really are, are just Wombles, making good use of the things that we find, the things that the everyday criminal leaves behind.