If you are looking for Glamour, Gadgets and Grissom you won't find them here. Forget what you think you know about 'Forensics', these are the tales of one man and his brush. Of course these views do not represent the views of any Police Force or indeed reflect any Force Policies ya da ya.

Thursday, 13 March 2008

Wombling Free

Those American CSI programmes are great at moving the passage of time via the televisual wonders of the Musical Monatage - lots of stern looking pretty people heating and agitating test tubes, powdering items on large lightboxes and spraying things blue all to a sound track of old Who tracks mixed in with some modern classics. Basically glossing over all the boring stuff so they can get on with their dramatic one-liners "We'll let the science decide!" and their flicking of hair and creating sexual tension between colleagues etc etc.

So the other day I was sat in the office, taking an age to get my paperwork done and I thought to myself I could do with a montage here! So on goes the Ipod with The Who belting out 'Won't Get Fooled Again' and the work gets done a little bit quicker. However the montages in CSI show them processing evidence, looking under microscopes, ludicrously enhancing poor quality photos and general Laboratory work. Thing is we don't actually do any of that stuff in the real world, it gets passed on to other departments to deal with. We have an appreciation of each discipline but we can't multi-task like those off of the telly!

We just attend the scenes, collect the evidence bag it, tag it then pass it on. So all we really are, are just Wombles, making good use of the things that we find, the things that the everyday criminal leaves behind.


Roses said...

I came across CSI:NY last night. Do you also have a murderous stalker? And a gun? And a clenched jaw?

I'm always amused that some that the results of tests like DNA, come through within half an hour.

kingmagic said...

What! You mean you don't do all that stuff like on the telly?

Cancel my transfer right away!!!

On another note...some years ago I attended a fatal at a house which was suss. We called for the assistance of the Police and eventually a forensics team turned up.

All I remember is being stood in the bathroom with this rather nice lady from forensics in a white paper suit standing in the bath taking photos! She was gorgeous!!!

I did'nt sleep for ages!

nb. She was taking photos of the scene and the victim...not me posing one foot playfully perched on the edge of the bath trying to attract her attention by displaying my best photogenic side!

Anonymous said...

Kingmagic.. what were you doing in a crime scene leaving your size 9 magnum prints on the edge of the bath ?

kingmagic said...

anon...without going into too much detail the lovely CSI type lady was taking a photo of a missing cupboard door. Any forensic type stuff at floor level had already been done.

And with that picture in your mind cue a possible scene for Inspector Jack Frost or Barnaby.

AnneDroid said...

Just found your great blog. I assume you've seen CSI Balamory on Youtube?
Very funny, though it won't mean much if you've never seen Balamory.

Keep wombling on.

MP3 e MP4 said...
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Kim said...

I love the wombles. I am sure csi uk was based on the pilot of the wombles.

catpaw said...

A line in your post reminds me of a running joke my mom and I have when we watch the CSI shows - the flicking of hair. I'm no CSI, but wouldn't their hair get mixed up with the evidence?

Or do CSI's never ever loose hair or skin and stuff?

We always look at each other whenever there is a "hair moment" and say the evidence says maybe the CSI did it!

Sahara said...

Good words.