New Digs

We may soon be moving offices, to a smaller Police Station and we will have the entire premises to ourselves. There will be more space for us to barricade ourselves into our desk with exhibits and we'll have more storage facilities for bread, milk and Post Mortem samples. Even better though when it's the 'Q' word (we try not to say 'quiet' for fear of the Karma gods punishing us) we can sit with our feet up watching miserable Soaps on the TV without worrying about surprise visits from the management team.

Change can be quite exiting, but the move isn't to accommodate us at all,no siree! it's all part of the SMTs obsession with creating Teams/Squads/depts that have limited use but do enough to disrupt everyone around them, then after a while when it doesn't work it all changes back to normal and we end up switching offices again. All at a nice cost to the taxpayer. Anyway the new team/squad/dept want our office for logistical reasons (it's nearer the vending machine.), so I'm hoping we get purpose made digs to sweeten the deal. I have decided to base my shopping list on the corridors of the Las Vegas Crime Lab.

1. I want all rooms to be Glass Partitioned, except for the Toilet.

2. I want a see-through 'whiteboard' to draw complex diagrams upon (and crudely drawn penises)

3. I want a lightbox as big as a Snooker table to do huge reconstructions on and to see which donut has the most jam in it.

4. I want at least 5 plasma screens in each room all showing exactly the same thing, and if possible have our crappy system enhanced by snazy graphics.

5. I want a huge glass cabinet with lots of Jars on them, and eerie lighting throughout the office to create that serious mood ala the X files.

6. A cabinet to shoot firearms into, preferably the cabinet that stores all our PDRs

A man can dream, I'd settle for a new Kettle though!