CSI Squad!

With all this talk of Civvies vs Police staff, I wonder back to the time when I was on the verge of putting an application in for 'The Job' myself. I had been trying for a couple of years to get a SOCO job but they were all being filled by already experienced SOCOs who were moving areas to suit their personal circumstances. I was close to giving up and looking for a career elsewhere in the force.

Looking back I'm glad I eventually got into SOCO, not that being a Officer would have been that bad, I just really wanted to do crime scene work (this was way before the likes of CSI Las Vegas etc..) I only wish there was more drama involved like in American cop shows. I have therefore made a list of my needs as a dynamic risk taking maverick CSI.

I want blue lights on my van, not overt ones but ones behind the grill and on the sun visors.

I want sparks to appear under my van when exiting the rear yard.

I want a holster for my brush, and my brush will be known as an inoffensive old womans name like Barbara or Enid.

I want to be able to use the expression ' The DA's breathing down my neck to clinch this case.' every once in a while.

I want the chief to say 'You're a maverick and a loose-cannon, you're suspended give me your badge and your brush.' and as I hand them over he looks at the Zephyr brush concealed in my socks and goes '..and the other one!'

I want to eat hot dogs and drink coffee from street-side vendors whilst talking passionately about my current case with my demographic pleasing ethnic sidekick.

I want a complex love life and alcohol dependency, that will inevitably cause me to loose my wife, who I then win back by saving her from bad men after a short spell in rehab.

I want to die in dramatic circumstances retrieving evidence that proves beyond doubt a serial murder case, when I have only two days until retirement.

It's not much to ask is it?